Death to the MarySues!
by Numbuh1367
Summary: A Mission to destroy horrible OCs :edit: New Harry Potter Chp.
1. Assassins Creed

Death to the Mary-Sue's

I took a long drag off of my cigar as my unit and I sat out in the snow, huddled by a miniscule campfire in the middle of what looked like Syria in wintertime. I pulled out my knife and started to grind a whetstone against it to sharpen the blade and knock off the accumulating rust.

I look up at the rest of my team, Their faces are cold and shivering behind the beaked hoods they wear, huddled together to make up for lost heat. Almost all of them wore the standard Assassins robes with a slight alterations made here and there the most prominent is the armband with the letters M and S crossed out. This shows that my unit is the proud task force sent out for the sole purpose….

Of killing Mary-Sues.

Our unit was commissioned by the leaders of the Fanfiction OC Integration Team or FOIT to track down and kill all illegally integrated OC's. These OC's, dubbed Mary-Sue's by FOIT, are the scourge of writers and popular video game and movie titles alike, being overall perfect yet somehow scarred by some tragic past that usually has to do with the main protagonist.

Right now my unit is deployed in the Assassins Creed sector of the Internet, we have been here for about three days in the cold, waiting for our scouts to report.

"Hey Sarge, Heard back from Scott and Marty yet?" My corporal Sean asked, "Not yet, Sean, those assholes seem to be taking their sweet merry time." I say back. Sean resumes huddling and shivering with the rest of the group.

Then my Codec starts to buzz, "Sarge? Sarge, do you read me?" "Loud and clear, Scott, What's your status?" I was relieved to hear the voices of at least one of my scouts. "One, possibly two targets, definitely MS, their location is up in Masyaf Castle, they seem to be swooning over Altair and Malik, sir." "Hold your position and don't loose sight of them! The others are en route. Sarge out."

I stand up and look at the rest of my men, "Look lively, boys! We got ourselves some Sues to get!" The troop let out a Whoop and gathered their gear before falling in line behind me.

After about a mile we caught up with Scott and Marty, "Up there, Sarge." I took his binoculars and peered up the rocky slope.

There were two girls, both looking under 17 yet wearing Grand Assassin armor with bright pink and purple highlights in their hair and massive amounts of cleavage showing, were up chasing around Altair and Malik with hearts in their eyes and yaoi pictures clutched in their hands (with all ten fingers!)

"Alright boys, lets go." I signaled to the unit. We slowly climbed the face of the mountain and up the side of the castle and onto the roof, we peered down to see the two girls cornering the Assassins. "Watch for my signal." I whispered then jumped down to the floor.

"Halt, Identify yourselves, OC's!" I barked at the girls. They turned and looked at me with their multi-colored and constantly changing eyes, The one with bright blue hair shouted "Hiya! My name is Maria La Volpe Connor Auditore!" The other one perked up, "and I'm Jazmin Al Sayaf Ibn Al Ahad!" I looked over at the now cowering Assassin leaders and smirked

"Perfect." I reached into my pocket and threw a grey and red looking powder at them. They coughed a few times, "Oh now you've done it, you just messed with the wrong girls." I smirked at them "So what?" I sneered at them "we both became Super Speshul Master Assassins after only a year here, you don't stand a chance! Now you'll die with one swipe of our unbreakable swords that happen to be Pieces of Eden!" They unsheathed their weapons and swung, I raised my arms and let the blades hit my hands, the blades, however shattered on impact. They looked down at the hilts of their once great weapons and whimpered.

I laughed and held up another handful of the powder and said "Anti-Sue Dust, You have no power of Speshulness anymore." They were still in shock of not having the awesome power they usually posses. I lit another cigar " You girls are in direct violation of the OC laws of the Internet and have been hereby ordered to be executed by FOIT." One of the girls stirred and looked at me with tears. "Who are you monsters?" I looked up "We are the Mary-Sue Elimination Squad, and you are our targets."

I raised my hand and clenched it into a fist, the next second, my units had dropped on them and had their hidden blades in the Sues' throats. "I apologize, Masters Altair and Malik, If this ever happens again, use this to call us." I handed Altair a button with the Units' symbol on it, he nodded and then I called in my report to FOIT.

Then I turned to my troops, "Next stop, home-base, boys!" Cheers and huzzas went around as the portal opened and we were sucked back into home sweet home

The end

So, how's That for a sue slayer story, huh? Leave reviews and suggestions for where the sequel should be.

(I'm not all that well with most anime series)


	2. Assassins Creed 2

**Since no one went to the poll and voted, I'll just go with the 2****nd****Assassin's Creed part, and hopefully get more votes next time?  
**

* * *

Ezio looked out over the rooftop and breathed in deeply, hoping that the cool morning air would calm his nerves. He looked over the edge again, seeing the haystack far,_ far,_ below. He exhales, closes his eyes, and leaps out from the beam, doing a small turn so that he now was looking upwards, he opens his eyes, looking at the platform he just jumped from not a second ago before his back hits soft hay, he leaps over the side of the cart and brushes off the stray strands that clung to his robe. He gets a few looks from pedestrians before he stalks off again, pretending to not see their stares.

After rounding another corner on his way back to Leonardo's studio, he stops, and flattens himself against the wall, and peeked back around the corner. After a while he pulled away from the wall. "Huh," he remarked "I could've sworn that I was being-" He never got to finish that sentence as a piece of wood was brought to the back of his head, knocking him out with a loud "THWAK!" Soon after, Ezio's body was dragged into the darkness of a nearby alleyway with a chilling female laugh drifting on the wind.

* * *

I shoved the door open to a briefing room with a file in one hand and a pointer in the other with a little annoyance as the room suddenly quieted from my presence. I walked to my desk and slapped the files down then scanned my eyes across the room, a number of my teams faces were staring numbly either up at me or at the papers at their desks. I clicked the pointer open and tapped the podium at the front of the room.

"Morning, gentlemen." I got a couple moans and some 'Hi, Sarge'-es from the room as I opened the file. I started slapping pictures up on the board. "Well, I hope you guys liked the last mission, 'cause we're doing _another_ code-14." This time a whole lot of moans sported by the occasional 'Again?' and 'Another kidnapping?' "Quit your whining!" I shouted, the room quieting quickly, followed by the smack of the pointer on the board. "Now this morning at 3:00, we got a call from an outpost, reporting that Ezio Auditore,-" I tapped his picture for good measure. "-has been missing for two days now, FOIT confirmed fowl play from a Sue after receiving a ransom note demanding ether official and legal placement in the universe, or marriage between ether herself and Ezio or…..*Sigh* Ezio and Leonardo Da Vinci." I paused and looked in annoyance at the report before starting again. "So we go in, kill the Sue, save the target, and get out. Cut and dry, people. Any questions?" No answers. "Then suit up, ladies. We're going to Florence!"

My team stood outside of the portal zone as scientists controlled the portal machine, two large metal poles in the center of the room are slowly pulled apart creating a hair thin line, then suddenly are shoved back towards each other causing a circle to jump out of the line like snapping a belt, a familiar sight to the team. The portal gleamed with a soft glow as we stepped towards it, sort of beckoning us into it like a fire on a cold night. I smiled as I entered its embrace

Dimension-Hopping is an odd experience to say the least, you feel weightless and free, and have this happy, warm, fuzzy feeling in your stomach that makes you smile, like a field of sunflowers, yet at the same time saddened by the loss of happiness, I always see my mother right before we exit….

THWIPP!

We appeared out at the end of an alley across the street from where Ezio and the Mary-Sue were. I turned to my team as they blinked into existence "Alright, you know the drill: Sneak in, Kill the Sue, Save Ezio, Get out. Understood?" A chorus of 'Yes, Sir!' went around as I pulled out the specs FOIT gave us. Looking them over, I came up with a plan of attack. " Okay, Sean, I need you to create a distraction to get her away from Ezio. Scott, Marty and you will be securing Ezio and make sure he gets out alive, I'll take care of the Sue once you get him out, good? Then lets move."

Sean stepped towards the front of the building as the rest of us moved for the backdoor. Not long after we had gotten to the door, an explosion happened out front, that was our cue as we kicked in the door and ran inside. After a while, we found Ezio tied up and gagged in a chair with a horrified look on his face screaming through the gag like his life depended on it, we started to cut him loose when someone threw a knife at us, three guesses to who done it?

We looked up at the level above us to see a girl with violet hair and an iconic scar on the right side of her lip, and an outfit that looked closer to Lara Croft with a hood than to an Assassin's Robes.

She smirked down at us. "My name is Izayoi Takashi, and tha-" "We didn't ask your name, sister. Just get down here and die already." I pulled out my baton as she jumped off the level, in the jump she pulled out her short sword and swung hard knocking the baton from my hands. She looked triumphant and cocky, like she had already won. I growled "Alright, let's even the odds." I threw a pack of anti-sue dust in her face and when she was disoriented, I shattered her sword.

We both jumped back and put up our fists. She swung first and I dodged to the right then the left, then the right again as a flurry of swings came my way, then I came back with a blow to her stomach, then her shoulder, then I kicked her kneecap, inverting her leg. I pulled my knife and put it against her throat and with one fluid swipe, she was gone, her body lay on the ground motionless. I kneeled down shut her eyes and said "Requiescat in Pace."

I exited the building and rounded the corner to see Ezio in a blanket and a cup of coffee in his hands shivering on the ground. I patted him on the shoulder and then rounded up the group for our portal back home.

It's funny actually, I think I actually understand the portal now, it doesn't make us happy and sad at the same time, it shows us what we are doing and how it helps the world, and how we have suffered for our cause.

* * *

**Now this time lets try the sequel in a different universe, ya? Assassins Creed is starting to make me all sad and junk.**


	3. The Hogwarts Incident

Incident at Hogwarts

I woke to a blaring sound in my ear as I shot out of my bunk to confront whatever or whoever had intruded my quarters, I paused and looked around, noticing that my Comlink had gone off. I walked over and inserted the device into my ear and accepting the call.  
A prerecorded message began to play,

"Hello, and sorry for the inconvenience," said the smooth animatronic voice of the prerecording. "An alarm has been triggered at headquarters; you and your team are to report immediately."

I sighed as I hit the off button for the Comlink and looked at my watch, 3:07am…

I zipped up my new jumpsuit and started down the hall to the elevator, careful not to disturb the decorators work.

See, FOIT had recently been bought out by a larger corporation who had decided that the whole building needed to be redecorated and given a new name, so now instead of FOIT, we are ISIS, The Internet Security and Integration Squadron. Catchy name…

The elevator door opened to the main control deck and the rest of my team standing near the briefing room. I walked forward to investigate. "Morning team, anyone know why I was dragged out of the tender love and care of my bunk to chatter with the damned techies?" I asked in a very sarcastic tone. "Not a clue, sir." were the majority of the replies I got back. As with any situation where we don't know what to, I looked for a British guy in glasses, I found one near the coffee maker. "You, know anything about the alarm?" He perked up and said "Ah, yes, I'm the one who is supposed to brief you on that. Follow me, please." As he walked towards the briefing room, I smirked and thought "_Always the Brit in glasses._"

We all sat down in the briefing room as the aforementioned British stood up at the front. "Right, let's get started then. At o-one-hundred hours this morning, we discovered a Sue pop up in Sector B-HP aka JK Rowling's Harry Potter Universe." One of the private's hands popped up. "Excuse me, sir, but it's just a Sue, it's not really a problem." "Ah, but that's just it, she's not just a Sue. She is nearly fully integrated into the universe." A comical and overdramatic gasp is made by my team before someone else pops up. "But how is this possible?" "She must have entered quite a while ago, because we detect her at around eighty percent done with her integration process, so she has been doing it slowly so as to not draw attention to herself. So gentlemen, your mission is as follows; you are to stealthily infiltrate Hogwarts, find the Sue and kill her, resetting the damage she's caused. Dismissed." The team erupted in a hoorah before heading out of the door and towards the armory.

We landed with a _pop_ in the Harry Potter Universe, we'd landed just outside of the protection spell field that was in place around Hogwarts and began to study the Sue we were going to face. I brought up the Identification Page:

Name: _Minerva Sirius Albus Potter_  
Affiliation: _Harry Potter (Twin Brother)_  
_ Draco Malfoy (Boyfriend)  
_House: _Super Speshul House, consisting of all four houses, yet being its own elite house.  
_APPROACH WITH CAUTION  
END PAGE

I stood up and started towards the castle, about halfway across the main bridge, Professor McGonagall came running towards us. "I demand to know who you are!" She ordered, brandishing her wand at us. I flashed my ISIS badge at her and she lowered her wand. "My apologies, sir, I did not know. Please, enter."

As we walked through the halls towards McGonagall's classroom, I had to admire the craftsmanship that went into making Hogwarts, from the large almost towering statues standing by the doors of the school, to the grandeur of the moving staircases. Magic must be a wonderful muse for creativity.

We entered the Transfiguration classroom and crowded around Minerva's desk; she sat down and began to speak. "I can only assume you are here because of the girl?" she inquired "That's correct." I confirmed. "We have been sent to find and terminate her before she fully integrates herself here." "Then I should be thankful I haven't fallen under her spell yet, else you may have never found her in time. She's changed everything, you know. She waltzed in out of nowhere claiming to be the long lost twin sister of Mr. Potter's, gets Mr. Malfoy to fall head over heels for her, and beats Ms. Granger in every exam! Poor girl hasn't left her room in a week. She even got Severus to like her, Snape likes her!"

She put her head in her hands and sat still for a moment before I spoke up. "Don't worry about them; we can turn them back to normal once we get rid of the Sue." She smiled and looked back up "Then I wish you god speed, sir. She's over by the entrance to the grounds, but not for long." I stood up and bowed. "Thank you, Professor. We are very thankful for your help." The team quickly exited the room.

We made our way to the covered bridge leading to the castle grounds, but around half-way across we found Harry and Draco…Oh how do I put this? They were being friendly with each other… with lots of tongue. I shouted "What in the name of Doctor Who are you two doing!?" They looked at us and Harry said "Minerva said if we did it, it'd make her happy!" I rolled my eyes and facepalmed "Will one of you please Anti-Sue them quickly, we have to keep moving." They were grabbed and a handheld plunger-like device was affixed to their heads for a few seconds. When they were removed, they were still for a moment before they slowly started looking at each other, and when they made eye contact, they got disgusted looks on their faces before running to the side of the bridge to vomit. As we left the bridge I heard a few; you git's, and some Oh God Why's before we made our down the hill.

When we reached the bottom we saw a figure at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. She was tall, skinny, and wearing an outfit that didn't fit dress code by a long shot. She stepped out of the shade of the trees and started walking towards us, she was spinning her wand in her hand and had her other hand on her hip, yet she had long blond hair and blue eyes, despite being related to Harry. She stopped at around 20 feet from us and pocketed her wand and looked right at me, and only said three words. "Make it quick." I nodded, raised my pistol, and pulled the trigger.

I had never met a Sue that hadn't fought her fate or even accept it. I never may meet one again. Yet I don't know why she had given up, maybe she thought she couldn't win, maybe she thought that I wouldn't pull the trigger, or maybe she had lived her life as much as she wanted. I'll never know, and that Sue, as crazy as she was, I'll remember her. I'll remember her as

_The Sue that Stood Her Ground_

**I own nothing other than the hastily made Sue and the military task force… I don't own their name either. **


End file.
